Seven Deadly Sinners
by BoomShroom
Summary: Seven damned souls, slated to go to Hell, are 'rescued' by the mysterious Dimentio. However, the jester's favor comes with a price, and now they must hunt and kill seven people that Dimentio wants dead. The Sinners will seek the Virtues' lives. But where do the lines between Good and Evil become blurred? What hell have the Sinners experienced before they're actual judgement day?
1. Meet the Sinners

**So, here's a new story that I'm pretty excited for! It will mainly focus on the characters and their development, as well as a few themes. I hope you enjoy!**

**Seven Deadly Sinners**

My first thought as I look at the six other people in the room?

What a bunch of freaks.

I mean, seriously. I've seen some some whack jobs in my day, but these losers take the cake. An overweight Goomba, sticking his nose up imperiously at everyone, a nervous wreck of a Boo who won't stop squirming and shifting her gaze, a drugged out looking Shy Guy humming some indistinct tune...hell, there's even a human, which is strange, considering how rare they are in the Mushroom Kingdom. Or most anywhere, nowadays, actually.

But, then again, this whole situation reeks of strange. Waking up in a decrepit old warehouse that looks like an interior designer's worst nightmare, surrounded by strangers, and with no clue how I got here...yeah, that seems pretty strange. Like some shit straight outta some bad novel or movie or whatever.

Haven't had much time to really take it all in, though. I just woke up and, bam, I'm sitting uncomfortably in an ancient armchair with questionable stains, and there's a group of random people sitting near me, all of us arranged in a sloppy circle.

"What the hell is this!?" I turn my head to the right and spot a Koopa wearing a black and green hoodie, a scowl on her face. "Where am I?" She starts tugging at some restraints keeping her in place, and it's then that I notice that I'm tethered to my seat as well. I don't even bother with struggling, considering how much trouble she's having.

The Shy Guy wearing a green Shy Guy cloak and purple shoes glances around curiously, a perplexed expression on his face. "Whoaaaa, am I trippin'? I mean, I've conked out in some pretty weird places, buuuut I don' think I remember anywhere like this..."

The Goomba rolls his eyes at the Shy Guy's slow drawl. Now that I get a better look at him, he doesn't seem as overweight as I had thought. He is packing a bit of chub, but the other half seems to be muscle. An obese body builder, maybe?

"Quite obviously this is some sort of kidnapping." Oh, God, I hate the way he talks! It's some sort of fake accent mixed with just the right amount of snobbiness and combined with a nasally voice. Extremely ear grating, I tell you.

"Yeah, I could've guessed that." the Koopa girl scoffs. "I just have no idea why the hell I'm even here."

"Is this some kinda TV show or something?" a Blooper, colored an icy shade of blue and with a weird speckled bandana on his forehead, pipes up. He sounds so energetic and carefree that I can't help but hate him. "I've always wanted to be on TV!"

"I highly doubt it." the human speaks up. Now, I've never seen many humans before-only one, and he was a dude-but if I had to guess, I would say that she would be a straight up ten on a human's attraction chart. Dark hair, green eyes, and a 'cool beauty' attitude...yeah, she's a bitch, already.

"P-p-p-p-please! L-let me g-go!" the purple Boo wearing rectangular glasses cries out to no one in particular. There's a wild look in her red eyes, like that of a cornered animal, but also a gleam of recognition in them, as if something like this has happened to her before. But no matter what shit she's gone through, it won't change the fact that her stuttering is freaking intolerable. "I haven't d-done anything bad! I don't wanna be h-hurt!"

"Greetings, friends!"

For once, I can't locate the source of the voice. I see the others glancing around too, but nobody can seem to find the speaker from their positions in their chairs.

Suddenly, the space in the center of our circle ripples. A thin white rectangle appears briefly, and within the shape a figure materializes. In the next second, I'm staring at some goofy looking jester floating in the center of the the ring. Well, goofy, but also a bit...creepy.

"Duuuude." the Shy Guy chuckles lightly, his chortles rising into a full on laugh. "How high am I right now?"

"The fuck are you?" the PMS Koopa snarls.

The jester twirls in midair and strikes an obnoxiously flamboyant pose. "Why, your Messiah! Your Savior! The Miracle that Blesses You With Redemption!"

The Koopa somehow manages to scowl further and looks the jester up and down. "Huh. That's funny. I don't remember Bozo the Clown being so damn delusional."

The jester laughs heartily at the insult, brushing it off as if the girl couldn't possibly get to him if she wanted to. This visibly annoys her.

I sigh, my patience run out. I've had enough of this joker's little show.

"Hey, jackass." He turns to me. "You're the one who kidnapped us, right? Mind letting us go, now?" I put all of the hostility I can muster into my words. I'm not scared. Why should I be? So what if my captor knows a few magic tricks? I've dealt with Magikoopas before. This is nothing. I've been in far worse situations before.

And my enemies have never worn a fucking clown suit.

"My, my! Temper!" he chortles. "Maybe I should reconsider and give the title of Wrath to you instead?"

What the hell is he talking about?

Before I can ask, the Goomba clears his throat rather loudly. The jester turns his attention towards him.

"Well, this is all jolly good and such, but I'm a busy man and don't have time for trifling matter such as this." (Have I mentioned how much of a prick this guy sounds like?) "Therefore, I implore that you quickly state your demands so that we may settle this issue and I may be on my merry way."

"Demands? Already? Why, don't you want to know why you're here, first?"

The Goomba wrinkles his face as if he's smelled something awful. "Hm, no, not really."

"Uh, I'd like to." the Blooper tries to raise a tentacle, but fails since they're all tied down. Instead, he strains to sit up straighter in his chair. "This is some kinda reality TV show, right? Right?"

The jester shakes his head, causing the bells on his hat to tinkle. Damn, that's annoying. "This is not a show, but it is certainly reality!"

"Uh, whaddaya mean?"

The jester snaps his fingers and asks an unrelated question. "Do any of you remember how you got here?"

Come to think of it, I don't really remember anything. Well, I do remember some things. My friends, family, events, all kinds of things. Just not the circumstances that led me to being tied up in an old building with a bunch of morons and a mentally deranged clown.

"No." the human says. "I suppose you're going to explain that to us?"

"Yep!" The freaking bells tinkle like wind chimes in tornado as he nods his head about a dozen times. "You see, all of you should be dead right now!"

What he says doesn't come as too much of a shock to me. I've had people say things like that to me before. But the cheerful conviction in his voice definitely throws me for a loop. He's not threatening us. It's as if he actually believes that we should be dead.

"D-dead!?" the Boo cries. She begins to struggle even more. "N-no! Please! I don't wanna die!"

Motioning for her to settle down, the jester waits. However, since she refuses to calm down, he sighs and continues.

"No, no, no need to worry. You see, I said you _should_ be dead. But thanks to me, your'e not!"

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask. "What are you talking about?"

The jester joins his hands behind his back and floats a bit higher, launching into a speech that he must have prepared especially for us. Oh joy.

"Each of you wonderful little monsters should be dead right now. That's right! All of you have already died! You should be gone from this world and on your way to another place known as Hell, or, as some call it, the Underwhere. Due to the circumstances of your lives, the actions you have taken, you have been deemed unworthy of entering Heaven, or the Overthere, if you prefer. But, I, O Generous and Benevolent Hero that I am, would not stand for such a thing! The world may see you as evil, as villains. But I? I see you seven as precious jewels amongst the filth, treasures that should be adored! 'Injustice!', I cried! 'Corruption!', I roared! 'These souls should not be condemned! Have you not paid a wit of attention to them? Do you not see that they should be praised as wonderful? That they should be allowed entrance through the pearly gates? I plead, nay, I DEMAND that you reconsider!' All of this I said and more, right in Their face!"

His whole story is freaking nuts, and I'm trying to wrap my head around it all. I start by asking questions, the first being, "'Their'...?"

The jester nodded. Ugh, those freaking bells...!

"Indeed! Them. The Creators. The Divines. They go by many names." He then rubs his chin, deep in thought. "In fact, I don't even really know if there is a They, as in plural. Speaking to Them, it sounds like many voices, male and female, all in unison, all of indeterminate age. They are one, yet They are many. Even one as strong as I cannot comprehend the all powerful Them. All powerful. Yes, all powerful..."

His voice drifts off, and his hand freezes mid-rub.

"You...mean Grambi, right?" the Blooper asks. "The head honcho over there at the, er, Overthere?"

"Not Grambi..." the jester says very slowly and without his cheerful demeanor. The loathing in his voice is clear as a crystal. Suddenly, however, he returns full force, continuing his explanation.

"Yes, now, where was I? Ah, yes, yes, I demanded that They let you enter Heaven! But They wouldn't reconsider. So I decided to bend the rules, to take matters into my own hands! I decided to intercept your souls and return them to your bodies!"

"And how, pray tell, would you manage that?" the Goomba scoffs. "Obviously you are bluffing. Not even the most powerful magic users could do such a thing."

The jester lets slip a small giggle, and I can tell that he's smirking behind his mask.

"Would you like a glimpse, then?"

"A glimpse?" the human asks.

"Into Hell."

Without another word, the jester gives a little flourish and reaches into the air. Pinching the air between his fingers, he gently pulls down, as if he was unzipping a bag.

A portal opens.

A portal to Hell.

...

Oh, god. Oh my...w...what...what is this...? Can such a thing even...what...oh god...

A sound pierces my ears. Is it my voice? I think it is. Maybe. My throat hurts. How long have I been screaming? My eyes...they're stinging with sweat and tears. I'm shaking violently, and something is dribbling down my chest.

It takes a few moments for me to realize that the door the jester had opened has disappeared.

For a while, I'm completely out of it. So are the others, I think, since all I hear is the sound of panting, shaky breaths, and weeping. I glance down and see that I'm covered in vomit.

That's when my mind returns to my body.

Holy shit...was that...Hell? That place...those things...everything I saw, everything I heard...is there any word to even come close to describing it?

I can't wipe my mind of the horrors I've just witnessed. There is only one clear sentence running through my mind.

_'I'm glad I was on this side, and not in there...'_

"You see?" the jester's voice breaks the relative silence. He no longer sounds jolly and has instead adopted a serious tone. "This is what They have planned for you. This is the fate They have decided for you. Eternal pain and suffering, worse than any you have endured before. And what you just saw? That was considered the gentler region of Hell."

Gentle? No, no way. How could anything be worse than...all of that? No, no, I don't want to find out. I don't want to go there.

"I'll do anything..." I'm saying before I'm even fully aware that I'm talking. "Anything. Please...just don't let me..."

I can't help it. I cry. Yup, I bawl like a freaking baby. But if you had seen the shit I had just saw? Chances are you would be clawing your eyes out so you'd never have the chance of seeing it again. I might have, even, if my arms weren't strapped down. A part of my brain subconsciously wonders if that's why the jester had us restrained.

"Anything, you say?" the jester has reclaimed some of his sly, playful attitude. He addresses me first, then turns to include the others. A brief glance upwards shows me that they're in a similar way as me. Pale, shaking, covered in tears and/or vomit. The Boo chick even has some blood sprayed across her face.

'_Probably from that guy in there...' _I begin to think, but force myself to stop. I can already feel my stomach churning remembering one of the gruesome tortures the jester had shown us.

"Yes, anything." I say again. Damn, I hate how my voice is shaking. I feel so weak, but I can't help it.

"Y-yes..." even Ms. Too-Hot-For-You is quivering. "Me, too. I don't want to..." She trails off, but she doesn't need to finish the thought.

"I...I..." the Goomba utters, but can't manage more than that. The jester nods anyway, considering it an agreement.

I space out for a minute as the others, one by one, agree to something unknown to us all.

'_But anything is better.' _I think. _'Anything is better than that...'_

"Very well." The jester is all business now. "If you don't want to earn yourself a visit to the lovely place I just showed you, then you must do exactly as I say."

"There are seven individuals who I want dead. Seven nuisances that need to be eliminated. Kill them, and I'll grant you your freedom to live. Fail, or refuse, and I'll send you on your merry way to the lowest depths of the underworld, where I'm sure they've reserved a comfortable spot for you. Simple, hm?"

Seven people he wants dead?

"Who?" I ask. "Why?"

The jester chuckles. "Oh, eager are you? I take it that you're agreeing to my terms, then?"

"No." I say, then quickly add, "Not yet." I don't want to turn down his offer, but I don't want to agree just yet. I'm practically signing a contract here. It's a contract I'm basically being forced to sign, but there's no way that I'm gonna agree to it without knowing everything first.

"Well, these people are the very definition of what I despise. They are the exact opposite of what I stand for, what I am. Therefore, they are a threat to me, to everything that I hold dear, to my ideals, to my plans. So, I want them eliminated."

"But why can't you do it yourself?" the Blooper asks. I'm glad he didn't bother to ask about this nut job's ideals or whatever. I need to know all I can, but I don't need to get into the head of such a loony.

"There are certain rules that even I must follow." he sighs. "Explaining the specifics would probably take too long and tie your puny minds into tight little knots, so I'll keep it simple. I can't touch them. But I can use others to affect them."

"I get it. I guess." the Shy Guy speaks up. His happy-go-lucky demeanor has definitely been bogged down by his peek into the underworld. Now he just sounds sort of depressed. "So we're, like, the players, and you're our coach?"

The jester shrugs. "Sort of."

The Koopa sighs. Her eyes are downcast and her voice is subdued. "Just...who do we need to kill?"

"Glad you asked. But first, I need confirmation. Are you all willing to do this now that you know what exactly I'm asking of you?"

I suddenly feel a rush of anger boil up within me. Filling my body, it rises until I'm fuming with rage. My shivers of fright are replaced with tremors of fury, and my fists are clenching tight, straining against the restraints, begging to punch something. Hard.

"Screw Them..." I mutter, but it gains the attention of the other members in the room. "Screw Them." I repeat myself, a bit louder. "Screw Them and screw whoever else damned us! Damned ME! I've done some pretty bad things, I know. I'm no saint. But I've done good, too! I don't belong there!"

I look up at the others who are all staring at me. Their expressions are either that of awe or that of confusion and pure weirded out-ness. Hopefully the former.

"Don't you guys think the same? I mean, I don't know about the rest of you, but certainly we can't deserve THAT. There's just no way any of us could deserve that. So is that really what you want? Do you really want that to be your fate? Are you just gonna lie down and let yourself be dragged to Hell? 'Cause I'm not. Whatever I need to do, I'll do it. I am NOT going there..."

My little speech fails to earn me any responses other than blank stares, so I turn to the jester.

"I'm in. Even if it's just me, I'm in. I'll get back at Them, somehow, someway."

"M-me too."

I look at the Boo. "I-I don't want to go th-there. I-I'll do it too!"

"As will I." the human says. Oh, good to see she's gone back to being the Ice Queen. "I will not allow myself to go down. Not without a fight."

"Well...it's a chance, in'it?" the Blooper sighs. "Ah, hell, guess I'm in." He flinches. "Oops, gotta be careful 'bout sayin' that now..."

"I suppose I have no choice." Sir Goomba McSnootington declares.

"Ah man, this is totally gonna kill my buzz, but..." High Guy groans. "Fine. I'll help kill your enemies for ya."

"I'll...I'll do it..." Punk Koopa's voice breaks near the end of her sentence. She says nothing more, her eyes focused on the ground.

The jester nods. "Very well. Good, good! It's settled then! Well, with that, allow me to properly introduce myself!"

Twirling in the air like some sort of anti gravitational ballerina, he strikes poses as he speaks. "I am the Face of Drama! The Master of Magicians! The One, the Only...Dimentio!"

Dimentio pauses for applause. Even if my hands weren't tied down, I wouldn't clap for him.

"This doesn't make us friends, clown." I snap at him. "We're just gonna kill these guys for you, and you're gonna let us live. That's it. So cut the theatrics."

He sighs and his arms drop to his sides. "You're such a spoilsport, Pride. At least let me have my fun."

His little nickname for me irks me. "I have a name, and it's not Pride."

Dimentio waggles a finger at me. "Not anymore! I've picked some special code names for you all! After all, no mission would be complete without code names! Care to hear them?"

"No." I spit. "Like I said, I have a name. It's Ashely."

Oh shit. I try to clamp my mouth shut, but the words have already escaped my lips.

At first, it's silent. Then I hear some snickering from the drugee and the squid erupts into laughter. The human raises an eyebrow and the punk smirks, obviously knowing that she's found something to hold over me.

"Ashely?" the Blooper chuckles. "Uh, dude, you do know that's, like, a girl's name, right?"

I can feel my face burning bright red. "Sh-shut up! I meant Ash! My name is Ash! Ashley is just a nickname someone gave me."

"Obviously they picked the most embarrassing one they could think of." Tubby murmurs, his expression just oozing a 'Wow, what a simpleton.' vibe.

"Hey, you shut your mouth! Someone very dear to me picked that nickname for me! A-anyways, it's Ash, okay!?" Damn, how could I let that slip? After that fiasco, I would rather just suck it up and let them call me Pride. Now I'll never hear the end of this.

Dimentio, who was also infected with a case of the giggles, calms down enough to continue. "Okay, okay, _Ashley_." he mockingly exaggerates my nickname. "If you wish to go by that name, that's fine. But you're official code name is Pride. Think about it a little and you might realize why you have the honor of bearing that title."

I don't need to think hard. It's pretty obvious why he would choose that name for me...

He then turns to the Koopa. "You are Greed. Isn't that fun?"

She snorts and rolls her eyes at him. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Irony. You're a fucking comedian. Really, it's hilarious. Just get on with it."

"Touchy, touchy..." Dimentio turns to the human woman. "I suppose it doesn't come as too much of a surprise to you that you are Lust, hm?"

She says nothing, only staring him down. I don't like her, or any of the others, really, but I can kind of respect her silent opposition. I know I could never do something like that, just let someone say whatever the hell they want and not fight back.

He then addresses the Boo. She flinches, her glasses sliding askew. "Such a cute, timid little thing! But a demon underneath, aren't you? You will be Wrath. How does that sound?"

"O-okay..." she squeaks, shutting her eyes tight.

"Quite the portly fellow, aren't you?" Dimentio pokes the Goomba in the stomach.

Looking very offended, the Goomba sputters, "Wh-why you-I'll have you know that I am a regular member of the Mushroom Heights Gym, a Gold Member in fact, and-"

"Yes, yes, I get it." Dimentio interrupts him. "You will be Gluttony. Now, while you're out and about on your mission, do take care to try to lose a few pounds, will you?"

Hovering away from the extremely perturbed Goomba, Dimentio looks over the Shy Guy.

"Hmm. Sloth seems to fit you to a T, doesn't it?"

He chuckles a little too hard at that. "Dude, yeah, I agree. I'm lazy as shit, bro."

"And, finally, we have Envy." Dimentio says to the Blooper. I can tell that the squid is trying way too hard to act nonchalant about his new name.

"Eh, yeah, whatever, man, I'll take it. I mean, it's not like it's Ashely or anything." he flashes a sneer at me.

"You know, I'm pretty hungry, actually. I think fried calamari sounds pretty good, what about you guys?"

"Sure." Greed says. "Go ahead and get on that, Chef Ashley."

"Hey, screw you!"

"Bite me!"

"Um, m-maybe we should n-not fight..."

"Nobody asked you, whelp."

"Oh, you common folk and your eternal struggle to be King of the Plebeians..."

"Least we ain't all snobby rich pricks like you."

"Yo, anyone got a light? I need a little pick me up."

"Everyone! Calm down!" Dimentio tries to regain order, but the other freaks are too busy arguing to notice.

I back out of the fight and sit back, watching my new allies duke it out with insults and hate.

It's sure gonna be difficult to keep myself out of Hell with a team like this. But I can't end up there.

And, I also need to tie up some loose ends in the realm of the living. There's some things that I remember I've left unfinished.

I've gained another chance to save myself from damnation. I just hope that I haven't damned others...

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Like I said, this fic will mostly focus on the seven main characters, so please tell me how I did with introducing them and what you think!**

**This fic kinda came outta nowhere, really. I was reading Hell's Uprising by Magikoopa981 (great story and author by the way. Go check 'em out!), so maybe I was kind of inspired or something. Well, either way, thanks Magikoopa, both for somehow helping give birth to this story and for your support!**

**Also, just wanted to add a little disclaimer here:**

**This fic is not intended to offend anyone's religious beliefs or anything. I know that there will be some references to Heaven and Hell and God and such throughout this fic, but it's not meant to attack Christianity or anything. I myself am Christian, actually. I just like the idea of the seven deadly sins and good and evil and such, so incorporating all of it this way is really fun for me. Anyways, if I've offended anyone, I apologize.**

**Anyways, hope you liked this first chapter of what I hope will be the first of many! Please tell me what you think!**


	2. First Official Meeting of the Sinners

**Hey everyone! Thanks to all of you who reviewed! It means a lot, and I'm really happy to get some good feedback on such a new story. It's going to be mainly OC based, so I know that's not for everybody. But I hope you enjoy regardless! Anyways, here's chapter 2!**

**Seven Deadly Sinners**

Saying we were going to kill these seven mysterious targets and actually doing it turn out to be two very different things. As soon as we started, our mismatched team had problems. Especially me, though I did my best not to show it.

Now, some people see the world in black and white, good and evil. Me, I see the world in sadism and masochism. Or, people in particular.

The first thing I noted is what type of person each of my new allies were. Specifically, if they seemed more masochistic or sadistic. You'd be surprised how much you could learn of someone by which of these two categories they fall into.

And by how much you could use the information to your advantage.

First, I start with the rotund Goomba, Gluttony. Although he seems like a rich snob, there's something about him that just screams masochist. One with an untrained eye would not see it, but I'm experienced in seeing through people. You need only to peel off the layers and simply look beyond their outer shell. And the inner layers off this man tell me that he is one who wants to appear dominant, but is actually much softer inside.

The Boo is easy, of course. A masochist if I ever saw one. Just look at her, the whelp. There's no need to elaborate.

Greed is like Gluttony. A masochist with a sadist's shell. Putting on a tough exterior is her way of keeping people out. But deep down, she's lonely and afraid. I swear, she's easier to read then a children's book.

Envy is a masochist, but he does seem to display a few sadistic traits. He's what I would classify as a 'gray masochist', one who falls in the gray area between the black and white of masochism and sadism, but exhibits more masochistic tendencies.

Sloth, however, is impossible to read. It troubles me, since I've always been able to classify people, no matter who they were. He just seems so carefree, laid back, and...out there. I'll have to observe him further. He is an interesting specimen.

The gray Bandit, Pride, is a bit like Greed, though he is a gray sadist. He appears to be genuinely tough and not just putting up a show, like Greed, but there are easy ways to break through it. I experimented with calling him by his embarrassing nickname. This weakness to such a trivial matter appeared to bother him immensely, and is what led to me classifying him as a gray instead of a pure sadist.

And then, there is me, but there need be no explanation of me. The less you know, the less anyone knows, the better. I'm a sadist, but then, that should be obvious. I'm not very trusting, nor do I enjoy physical contact or social interaction.

There. Introduction and explanation of impressions of my allies complete. Now, on with the following bullshit.

"So, uh, where're we all headin'?" Envy asks as our motley group awkwardly parades down the streets of the city.

I pull my coat closer around me. I hate the streets of the city, full of insignificant vermin that crowd around me and make me feel enclosed within a box of people. They don't even have any idea of their own insignificance. Everyone believes that they are the star of some elaborate play, their life. Yet when it comes down to it, they are no more than a grain of sand in an ever shifting desert.

Well, perhaps that isn't true for everyone.

I look over at the Boo, so timid, so submissive. Yes, I think I like her.

"U-um...is there something on my face...?" Wrath asks, noticing me staring at her.

I shift my gaze forward again and answer her cooly. "Yes. Insignificance."

She shrinks away and I almost smirk.

Correction: I like abusing her.

"I told you guys." Sloth answers Envy's question. "We're heading over to my humble little abode. It can be our base of operations and shit!"

"And where, pray tell, is this 'abode' you speak of?" Gluttony wrinkles his face.

"Why, just on the west side of the city. A cozy little apartment room in a quiet little neighborhood."

"Uh, the west side is overrun with gangs and crime." Greed points out. "And you'd be lucky to have a place there that isn't infested with pests and in shambles."

Sloth shrugs. "Eh." is all he says.

It doesn't take too long to reach Sloth's 'neighborhood'. We seemed to have already been on the west side of the city, though Sloth and Greed, both familiar with the area, reported never having noticed the warehouse we awakened in before. My hypothesis is that they must have been lying, since, by the looks of the place, it must have been there for decades, and it is in a not so secret place. But I cannot quite deduct why they would lie about such a thing, so I cannot say that I have come to a conclusion on the matter.

"It's just up here." Sloth points to a ruined apartment building, possibly even less appealing then the ones around it.

As we approach the entrance, Pride nearly stumbles over a pile of trash bags.

"Watch it, ya idiot!" the bags yell, and it is then that I notice that there is a Koopa squirming underneath them. His right eye is twitching excessively, and he appears to be severely malnourished.

"Hey, Johnny!" Sloth greets him amiably. "Lookin' good, pal! Say, have you lost some weight?"

The Koopa flips him off and rolls over. Sloth shrugs and motions for us to follow him up the cracked and stained steps to the apartment.

Two minutes later, we are standing in most likely the shabbiest, run down room in the whole apartment.

"Welcome to casa de Sloth!" he announces, flopping onto a couch that squeaks in complaint. "Go ahead and make yourselves at home."

"Yeah, that jester sure did pick the right code name for you..." Pride mutters.

There isn't much space to move in the tiny room, and most of it is cluttered with junk. Discarded pizza boxes, old crumpled newspapers, and various books are scattered throughout the room. There is a strong scent of urine, and the distinct sounds of bed springs creaking at a quick rhythm can be heard from above.

Oh, and every inch of the walls is covered with eerie, disturbing masks of all kinds. Ones that nobody, not even a Shy Guy, would wear or find appropriate. They don't bother me, but my companions appear visibly uneasy.

"Uh, dude? The hell's up with the freaky masks?" Envy asks.

"Oh, those old things?" Sloth chuckles, craning his head back to look above him at them all. He waves his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about them! Just pop a squat somewhere and we can get to chilling. Oh, and Ashely, grab me a beer from the fridge, would you?"

My allies and I move to find somewhere to sit among the mess while Pride promptly tells the Shy Guy to go fuck himself.

Unfazed, Sloth reaches under the couch and pulls out a bong.

"Ugh," Gluttony groans and shifts in his metal chair which he is two sizes too big for. "Since this layabout urchin is going to leave us for a higher altitude, shall I take charge and lead this meeting?"

Envy folds his tentacles and leans back. "Yeah, sure, go right ahead, Mr. One Percent."

Gluttony raises an eyebrow at the nickname, but goes on anyway without addressing it.

"So," he begins. "Our mission is to find these seven virtuous persons and put an end to them. Let us open this discussion with these questions: Do any of us know who these people could be? Where exactly could we find them? And how should we go about..._*ahem*_..._disposing_...of them?"

"Okay, A: We should ask Dimentio. B: We should ask Dimentio. And C: We should fucking ask Dimentio!" Greed snarls. "It's not that hard, morons. He knows who he wants dead, right? He'll know where to find them. And I wouldn't put it past him to recommend a couple of ways to go about killing them."

"Sorry, miss, but we can't." Envy sighs. "'Fore we left, I asked 'im 'bout who those folks we're s'posed kill are. He just laughed and said, 'It's more fun to let ya figure it out yourself.'"

Pride scoffs. "Great. No leads and the man who ordered us to do this in the first place is no help."

"U-um..." Wrath shyly raises her hand and her eyes dart towards the floor. For some reason, this irks me. Not because she had the audacity to include herself in this conversation, but because the gesture reminds me of...something. I just can't remember...

"Yes, Purple Marshmallow?" Sloth points to her.

She winces and hesitates twice before speaking again. "I-I was just th-thinking...m-maybe we could...um...look around the city for clues?"

"The first time you choose to participate and you propose such an asinine idea." I say and relish the moment as she recoils. She's just too easy to pick on. "Do you have any idea how large this city is? How many people there are?"

"No, no, let her speak, please." Gluttony nods to her. "Explain your idea."

"Um..." Goodness, I know Boos are inherently reserved and tend to be rather shy, but this girl is ridiculous. "M-maybe the people he wants d-d...dead...are really g-good people, you know? Like s-saints or something. S-so maybe if we look for important p-people who are r-r-really good..."

She trails off, and I see Gluttony nod to himself and Greed scratch her chin.

"Hm, I think I understand what y'all is sayin'." Envy says. "We gotta look for some bigwig rich pricks who, like, donate a tonna money to charities and shit, but really don't and just try to look all goody-goody, and we just gotta take 'em out, right? Like, POW!" He punches one tentacle into another.

"Nobody said anything about them being rich." Gluttony snorts.

"Oh yeah? Well I was just thinkin' like how the world thinks, ya know? The rich millionaires and shit are the high and mighty lords of all creation, of course. It's not like, I dunno, POOR people could be generous too, right?"

"Sir, I do not appreciate your sarcasm-"

"Yeah, well bite me!"

"Enough." I command. "Your insignificant quarrel is not helping us make any progress on our mission."

"She's right." Pride agrees. "Even if she is bitchy about it, she's right."

"Ashley."

"Do you really wanna go there!?" he threatens me. I smirk. How easy it is to rile him up.

"P-please don't fight..."

"Nobody asked for your input, insignificant whelp."

"Plebeians, please! Enough bickering!"

"Hey, why don't you go choke on your gold coins, Mr. Moneybags?"

"Ugh, you freaking idiots are giving me a headache! Shut up!"

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!"

Sloth's screams are enough to quiet down the rabble.

He settles down into his chair again, and it's then that I notice that he's changed his mask to one of those that were hanging on the wall. A furry white rabbit's face with soulless black eyes and a crooked black streak for a mouth stares back at us. It's a bit crooked, and I must admit, it does seem a bit...unsettling...

"Now..." Sloth begins slowly. "We're all confused, and we all hate each other. That's okay. But how about we stop screaming at each other like a bunch of **GODDAMN** **NINNIES!**...and actually get off our asses...and do something..."

His tone, speed, and volume fluctuate many times as he talks, making me wonder just how stable this man truly is. His right hand is tapping his side furiously, but his left arm is frozen in place, stretched outwards in the air at an awkward angle. His Shy Guy mask is balanced on his foot.

"Hey, take it easy, man..." Pride, the closest to Sloth, shifts away from him to the other side of the couch, slowly. "It's fine. Let's just calm down and come up with a plan. Okay?"

Something in his voice seems to soothe Sloth, and the Shy Guy leans back in his seat. Tilting his head down, he switches his masks with incredible speed. Even if I had wanted to see what his true face looked like, I would have been unable to.

"Okay..." Sloth smiles and slurs, apparently back to normal. He pats the rabbit mask gingerly, as if it were a treasured pet. "So I'm thinking we should split into groups and check around anywhere we think might help us find these guys. We'll stay in touch so we can let the others know if we find anything. Yeah? Sound good?"

General agreement rises from myself and the other five.

"Good. Now, how're we splitting up?"

Nobody answers straight away. We're all thinking of who we would be the least likely to kill after spending just a few minutes with them.

I look over everyone, but I just can't see myself not wanting to rip their throat out after being paired with them.

Then, my eyes settle on the Boo.

She's busy checking over her glasses, trying to appear nonchalant, like a loner child in a classroom after the teacher calls for group work.

"Whelp, you're with me."

The words leave my mouth, and they are just as cold and demanding as I had intended them to be. Wrath flinches and glances at me above the rims of her glasses, then quickly looks away, giving me just the barest hint of a nod.

"Hey, you and me. Whaddaya say?" Sloth asks Envy.

The Blooper shrugs. "Sure, I ain't complainin'. Just, uh, please wear yer regular mask? Okay?"

Sloth laughs a little too hard and slaps his knee. "Hahaha! Yeah, sure!"

"Well, I have no intention of interacting with you urchins any more than I have to." Gluttony sneers, all manner of business-like formality gone. "I would not be caught dead hanging around your filth. We have an odd number of members in this party, yes? Then I shall go alone."

"Guess that leaves you and me." Pride says to Greed. "Just try not to be too much of bitch."

"Whatever you say, _Ashely_."

The Bandit scowls, but says nothing.

"Okay, well that settles that." Envy nods. "So, y'all have phones or something so we can communicate?"

"Sure. Let me give you my number." Pride nods.

"I have one too." Greed says.

"Know that this is only for the mission." Gluttony reluctantly says. "Do not dare call as if we are...ugh...'_acquaintances_'..."

"Um, I-I don't h-have a phone..." I think it's quite obvious which insignificant whelp said that.

"Useless." I spit at her. "Luckily, I have one, so that will cover our group."

We all trade numbers and I glare at Wrath. "Do endeavor to be less useless and insignificant than you already are, will you?"

"Y-yes, ma'am! S-sorry!"

"Yo, Sloth, you got a phone?" Greed asks.

The Shy Guy thinks for a moment and exaggeratedly rubs his temples. He looks up to the ceiling, where the moans have reached an uncomfortable crescendo. He gestures to wait a moment, then exits the room. He takes one of his masks with him. I believe it was the rabbit mask.

A minute later, shouts emanate from the room above. Then several thuds. Then a shrill scream and the sound of pounding footsteps as a woman scurries down a flight of stairs. Moments later, Sloth returns, carrying his rabbit mask and a cell phone.

"I do now!" he merrily announces.

"Uh, is it too late to re-pick the groups...?" Envy whispers to us.

"No take-backs." Pride smirks at him. "Looks like you're stuck with Jeckyl and Hyde."

Envy groans, but moves to input Sloth's number into his phone anyway.

After that is settled, we all exit the apartment together.

"Remember," Pride tells us. "We look around for anything that might help. Keep in touch, and we meet back at this apartment at nine o'clock. Got it?"

We all confirm our understanding.

"Good. Now, let's go."

The others go their own ways, and I'm left with the Super M.

"Um...wh-where are we going?" Wrath asks, looking anywhere but at me.

I spin around and walk off, not waiting for her or checking to see if she's following me, though I feel her presence just behind me, keeping close and struggling to keep up with my pace.

I don't answer her question, of course. Why would I deem answering the question of one so insignificant as being worth my time?

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, even if it wasn't totally exciting.**

**I feel like I'm really putting a lot of personality into the characters! I mean, I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty proud of myself, haha! Any of you feel the same? Who's your favorite character so far?**

**Anyways, thanks for reading, and please leave a review!**


	3. Breaking News(paper machines)

**Seven Deadly Sinners**

**[GREED]**

"So, where are we gonna start, Ashley?"

"Don't call me that." Pride says automatically, as if he knows that it won't work, but feels obligated to warn me not to anyways. "I was thinking a café."

"A café? Why?" I ask, folding my arms.

"Because there's nothing like a cup o' Joe to get you thinking straight."

With that, the stupid Bandit walks off, not even waiting for me. I sigh and roll my eyes. I don't get his reason, but as long as he's paying, I don't really mind getting some coffee.

We reach a dingy old café a couple blocks down the road, and we walk towards the counter. A greasy looking guy with acne covering his face asks us what we would like.

"You got money?" Pride quickly asks me.

"Sorry, I must have dropped my wallet on the way to Hell." I answer, pulling my pockets inside-out to prove that I don't have any cash.

He sighs and turns back to the cashier, and I smirk. Dumb bastard must have forgotten that Koopas can store things in their shells, too.

"You'd better be glad I'm willing to buy you one."

I respond by shooting him a sarcastic smile and response. "Aw, chivalry isn't dead."

After getting our drinks, we take a seat across from each other at a table.

"So, let's get down to business." Pride says officially. "We need to gather information on people and find out who our targets could be."

"Yeah, that'll be really easy." I scoff. "We'd probably have better luck just going on a murder spree and killing everyone we come across in hopes that we get someone right. I can already see the headline: 'Group of Seven Crazed Psychopaths Ravage the City in the Name of a Satanic Clown'."

I expect our dear Ashley to glare at me and be his usual asshole self, but I find that he's tapping his chin, thinking.

"Don't think too hard." I say. "You're brain might combust from the sheer stress."

"Oh, shut up." he snaps. "But what you said, headlines...we should check the news, see if we can get any leads from that."

I shrug. "Whatever. I guess that's as good a plan as any."

I glance around and conveniently spot one of those metal boxes where you pop a coin in and it opens up to give you a newspaper. I stand and walk over to the newspaper machine. Now, you wouldn't want to do this in public since I'm sure it's a bit illegal, but it's quite easy to unlock these things without paying their little fee. Simply take something thin and small that can fit into the lock, like, say, a hairpin, jimmy it around a bit, and, voila! You've just earned yourself today's black and white scoop, free of charge!

Never one to spend anything when there are much easier and free ways of obtaining something, I do this. I almost give a small chuckle of victory as I grab the paper at the top of the pile and let the lid drop back into place. Not today, Mushroom City Times.

I return to the table and drop the paper in front of Pride.

"Not exactly orthodox, but whatever." he says, already perusing the front page. "But you're lucky nobody noticed you."

I sit back and take a sip of my coffee. I grimace a bit at the taste. Way too bitter. But at least it was free, and that thought alone helps to sweeten the drink slightly.

"Hm, here's something." Pride mutters, and turns the paper so that I can see what he's looking at. He's pointing at a photo of some Toad. Judging by the ash covering his face and burning building in the background, it appears that he's just escaped a raging inferno. However, instead of looking worn and scared, a bright smile is plastered on his face.

"Jonathan Brollett, 29." Pride says, turning the paper around again and scanning over the words quickly. "It says here that he was just walking down the street on his way to work when he happened to pass by a home on fire. Other people were gathered around outside, and they told him that they had already called the fire department, but that there were still two kids trapped inside. He apparently charged in and came back out a couple of minutes later, a kid under each arm. The firefighters cleaned up the mess a bit later, but they stated that, without Jonathan's early assistance, the children may have very well died."

"So? What's so special about some local hero?"

"Apparently, this wasn't his first act of heroism. He's done all sorts of good deeds: performing CPR on people going into cardiac arrest, rescuing drowning people, pulling car crash victims out of horrible wrecks. He's even delivered a freaking baby while he and some pregnant lady got trapped in a stuck elevator!"

"What? That's bullshit. How can someone like that even exist? Especially in this shitty city?"

Pride shrugs. "I don't believe anything I don't see with my own eyes, but apparently this is all true. This guy is a genuine hero."

"Hm. Well, it's our new job to take out the goodiest of do-gooders, and this guy sounds like he's at the top of our list. Think he's one of the Virtuous?"

Pride puts down the paper and stares at me. "The Virtuous?"

"Yeah, Virtuous. That's the opposite of what we are, right? I mean, we're all named after the Seven Deadly Sins. So it's logical that the seven people we have to hunt down represent the Seven Holy Virtues. You know, Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility. We're the Sinners, and they're the Virtuous."

Pride raises the paper again and keeps reading. "Well, I guess we'll use your little theory or whatever to identify them and such. So, yeah, according to that, I'm guessing that this guy could be Kindness." Pride puts down the newspaper and gives me a devilish smirk. "Looks like we have our first target."

"Uh, maybe."

"What do you mean 'maybe'?"

"Well..." Ugh, I hate sounding like a sissy, but, dammit, it bothers me! "...he could just be a regular guy, you know? Like, an NPC in a video game. Someone who isn't any of our concern."

"You don't think he's our target?"

"Well, it seems pretty convincing. I mean, nobody in this city, hell, maybe the WORLD, is Kind enough to risk their life charging into burning buildings or saving drowning people purely out of the goodness of their heart. This guy could be Kindness, but...what if he isn't? Would it really sit right with you, killing an innocent man?"

Pride sighs and looks off to the side, staring out the window. After a moment, as if he's found the right words that he's been searching for, he looks back at me. "When you think about it, all of the people we're gonna kill are innocent. Seven heroes and do-gooders like Jonathan will fall by our hands. They won't ask for death, and if they're really so saintly, they won't deserve it either. But, nevertheless, it's our job to off them, one by one. All for the sick amusement of some deranged, magical clown. Or to further whatever sinister plans he has. Hell, I don't know, and I don't think I ever will."

Suddenly, Pride slams a fist onto the table, and I jump about a foot, barely suppressing a gasp. His gaze is fixed on his mug of coffee, and as he stares into the brown liquid, he speaks slowly and quietly, his face contorted into an expression of anguish.

"But whatever the case, I am NOT going to fail to take their lives. That place...those things...will NOT become my new reality. I won't allow myself to be dragged to Hell so easily..."

Pride falls silent, so I take the opportunity to speak.

"Okay," I sigh. "We'll check out this Jonathan guy. If we're sure he's one of the Virtuous, we'll deal with him. If not...well, we'll have to figure something else out, then, I suppose. Sound good?"

He nods weakly, resting his head on a hand. "Yeah, sure..."

Sighing, I down the rest of my charcoal black coffee and pocket a few of the sugar packets at the table for later. You know, just in case I need sugar for something. Plus, it's free.

I stand up and look down at Pride. I don't know what the hell comes over me, but I find myself offering him a hand. He seems just as surprised by the gesture as I do.

Now, don't go thinking I'm all mushy or that I have feelings for the jerk or anything! It's just...he looked so pitiful and broken, and I couldn't stand watching him worry over the thought of spending even a moment in Hell. Plus, his worrying about it was reminding me of that little glimpse Dimentio let us see of the netherworld, and my stomach was churning as that memory resurfaced.

Pride's face hardens a bit and he nods stiffly. Taking my hand, I help pull him out of his seat, and, once he's up, he gives my hand a little shake.

"Let's do this." he says, his voice full of resolve, determination.

"Yeah." I agree.

Pride leads the way out of the café, and, after pocketing the coin I managed to slip out of his pocket while he shook my hand, I follow him out.


End file.
